Today, I decided to take a spur of the moment trip back to SF and attend Duncan’s 2nd day workshop. I wasn’t on planning on to, but figured since he’s here and accessible for me to learn from, why not seize the moment and make it happen? Best idea ever! I am so overwhelmed with knowledge that I don’t even know where to begin to process or even write about it. So… I’ll meditate on it 🙂
Speaking of meditation… at the end of the workshop, we didn’t take a savasana. Instead we sat in the silence. It was perfect. Not only did I get my day’s meditation commitment, but being in silence with a group of people was very powerful because in that “silence there is peaceful purpose”, says Duncan who never gave us any cues or guided imagery. For a moment, I wanted to open my eyes and look at what was happening or what he was doing, but something weird just came over me and I trusted the moment. Feel deep into silence. No body twitching or mind wandering. I don’t even remember thinking about anything. Then the sound of aum brought me back.
So what was the feeling that came over me and allowed me to surrender into trusting in the space? Emma asked this question on the post from yesterday about whether it’s ok for a teacher to meditate while students are in savasana. I’ve tried it but it hasn’t worked for me. My mind is constantly worried about the time fearing that if I go deep into my meditation, I might leave them in savasana too long or not give them enough time. I do sit and hold space (or at least try to.) I try to focus on creating a space where students can trust in their surrender. I mean, it’s hard to surrender in a class full of sweaty people. I’ve been to classes where the teacher doesn’t even say a word but there’s something magical about the space. Then I’ve been to classes where the teacher leaves the room and you fend for yourself. The feeling of worrying about who’s peeping at you will prevent even the most tired practitioner from surrendering. Some students can’t even surrender no matter what I do because of their experiences that always keep them on guard. So it’s even more important for me to project the calm vibe that I want the room to be like. I often visualize my breath as the carrier of peace. At the same time, I am aware of the room… the sounds, the unease that stirs, the snoring and the peace that few are able to drop into. I try to hold the space without my stories or worldly concerns. It’s a different awareness meditation where I am focused on the energy of the space instead of focusing on noticing my body or mind wandering. It’s interesting how focused I can be when it comes to doing it for other people.
A note about closing the eyes. Many teachers keep their eyes closed the entire time from savasana to namastes. Sometimes I do, sometimes I open my eyes when I “wake” them up. Well the time I decided to open my eyes at the end of savasana, I noticed people were putting too much effort and strain to get up from savasana to seated. Many of them rolled back onto their backs and rock and rolled up instead of pushing up from the right side. Students don’t get this part… that they should press their left hand down to slowly come up, making the least amount of movement as possible. It’s a wonder why so many students are feeling anxious again before they even roll up their mats. Not only did they disturb the peace they were *hopefully* in, but they also shocked their spine by rolling up so fast after being on their back. Point is, I wouldn’t have noticed this if I kept my eyes closed all the time.